Something shifted in me during or after the press conference yesterday, or during a stormy night, or when I cried in the bathroom this morning about the way Trump bullied that orthodox Jewish reporter, with whom I surely disagree on many issues but who deserves respect and dignity like us all, or on the way to my dance class this morning while I listened to Michael Meade.
“Humans are edge beings,” he said. “We breathe against the unknown.”
I turned off the podcast so I could savor that, even while I was not sure what he meant. When I turned it back on he said that when times are deeply uncertain humans lean one of two ways – into fixity, rigidity, fundamentalism, or into uncertainty, the wild, the unknown – the place where beauty and eternity lie. And just like that, I made a choice.
I choose beauty, wildness, companionship as we head into the unknown. The other way is hopeless. We heard that, saw that yesterday. But everyday, we have a chance to look one another in the eye, and choose what makes us feel alive. I choose the edge. I choose who I am.
It’s gray and rainy outside, I drank too much caffeine again, slept only 4 or 5 hours. It feels like my first beautiful day since November.